


Light Therapy

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Brotp, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jedi, Sith, Star Wars - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 01:13:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15304170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: Ahsoka abandons her mission to Mandalore after getting a bad feeling about Anakin. Her and Rex return to Coruscant to find it in chaos. Why is Anakin leading the clones against the Jedi? And can she do anything to stop him?  If he’s turned to the dark side, is it too late to return him to the light?





	Light Therapy

“Rex.” Ahsoka said, grabbing his arm. 

“What is it, General?” He asked concerned. The change she’d felt had been instant. 

She looked him in the eyes, “we have to go back!”

“But Bo Katan and the Mandalorians are counting on us.” He said. She gripped him harder, feeling near hysterical. 

“Something bad is happening, Rex. I can feel it!” She was on the verge of tears, her chest tightening by the second. Did she dare say it was about Anakin?

“You’re the boss,” he conceded. 

“You’re more than capable of leading them, Rex. You don’t need me. Go, help them.” She turned to go but it was his turn to grab her arm. 

“Oh no you don’t, Little'un. I’ve fought by your side for four years, whatever you’re sensing? I’m coming with you.” He said stubbornly. Her heart softened at his loyalty. The Jedi taught letting go. If she was still a Jedi, she’d be compelled to ignore the feeling that was haunting her now. But she wasn’t a Jedi anymore. Regardless of whatever status she’d been given to complete this mission. And her instincts were screaming at her that this was bigger than just her love for one man. The fate of the galaxy rested on her choice. 

—

The temple was burning. Something bad was going down. She cast a sidelong glance at Rex, she could tell he was worried too. 

“Why are the clones marching like that?” He asked. And then they caught sight of who was leading them. “You were right, Ahsoka.” She swallowed hard. She used to thrive on being right, now she hated it. Of all things to be right about, this wasn’t the one. 

“We have to stop them.” She said, noticing that he’d glanced at his wrist comm. a hooded figure appeared when he pressed the button. 

“Execute Order 66.” It said and then disappeared. He looked dazed for a moment. 

“Ahsoka…” he tone was suddenly low. 

“What is Order 66?” She asked.

“Fives discovered a conspiracy when Tup malfunctioned. Turned out all the clones had a chip placed in their head. The Kaminoans claimed it was an inhibitor chip; something that would make us more obedient and less destructive. Fives was convinced it was a control chip. But he was executed before he could prove it. He sounded crazy, ranting about separatists some how being able to take control of the Republic’s army. But… I believed him. I convinced as many brothers as I could to get ours removed. Only a handful did.”

“I’m afraid to ask…” she whispered trying to swallow the fear that was building up inside her.

“Tup kept repeating ‘good soldiers follow orders’, before he turned and killed a Jedi.” Rex said sadly. 

“Order 66… it turns the clones against Jedi?” She said staring blankly out the transparisteel glass. “That explains the clones, but why is Anakin leading them to commit such atrocity?”

“I don’t know, Little'un.”

—

From where she’d climbed inside the temple, it took all her strength to not cry out at the destruction she was witnessing. She wanted to aid all of them, but if she was going to stop Anakin, she had to be careful how. There wasn’t enough time to gather her own army. Her and Rex just had to wing it. He had said he’d distract the clones. It was her job to stop her master, preferably without killing him. 

She closed her eyes, reaching for the comforting feeling of the force. It was hard to find here. She was hit with pain and fear and darkness first. She swallowed, forcing herself through the bombardment of negativity to find peace and clarity. He was coming, she could feel him.

He usually lit up the force like a bonfire, but right now, she felt like she was too close to a sun. She really hoped she was strong enough to save him. Or worse… she stomped out the thought. It wouldn’t come to that. She wouldn’t let it.

She took one last deep breath and dropped the distance to the hallway below. Landing ten meters from where he was. She stood up tall, puffing herself up to feel bigger. Her heart raced in her chest, she tightened her grip on her lightsabers.

He looked up at her from beneath the black hooded robe. His eyes flashing gold in the temple lights. This was not the Anakin she knew. She forced herself to focus. She had to be strong. But in all her years of training under him, she never could’ve imagined the day that he’d become the enemy. He wasn’t the enemy, she reminded herself. He was her friend, and she had to save him.

He stood there as though impassable. His blue lightsaber held tightly in his mechanical hand, still lit from the last person he’d swung it through. Their screams echoing around the temple as their life force was stolen away by someone that was once a friend. His features were lined and dark. Who had done this to him? What led him here? They stared at each other in silence as though their very souls fought an invisible battle between them.

“Stand aside, Ahsoka.” He said darkly. “You cannot stop me now.” 

“I will not.” She replied, rousing as much snippy stubbornness as she could muster so she felt more in control.

“Don’t make me kill you.” He hissed. The threat sent a shiver down her spine.. This was the man that had once promised he’d never let anyone hurt her. Now here they were. Years of friendship had come to this.

She ignited her lightsabers, crouching low to the ground, spinning them into her reverse grip. “I don’t want to hurt you, Anakin. But I will if I have to.” She said stiffly. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I have to.” Was all he said before leaping forward to bring down a strike. She rolled under his legs and jumped back to her feet. Swinging forcefully, making him block. His words echoing in her head. 'Because I have to…’

He moved gracefully, she had to be careful she didn’t fall back into the comfortable feeling of an afternoon sparring session. Whatever was happening right now, was life or death. She moved carefully, allowing her senses to rest only between them. She was trusting Rex to keep the others occupied. She hoped he was safe. 

He spoke only with his weapon, slashing forward with intent to kill. She fought him off as best she could, keeping pace with him almost as if she were his equal. It wasn’t true, she knew that. He was twisted right now. If he were thinking clearly, she wouldn’t have lasted this long. 

She felt his burning hatred and anger as he cast it with every swing and she could do nothing but wonder what had caused him to fall so far. She’d been face to face with him less than a week ago; the last thing she remembered was his determination to save the chancellor. She’d heard the reports, he’d killed count Dooku and returned a hero. His anger now, his fall… it made no sense. 

She’d watched him flirt with the darkness under his tutelage. She knew it lived in him. The years of pain and sorrow and loss etched into his soul; scars that would never heal. But through all that, he was a warrior of good, a beacon of light. Had Dooku said something to twist him? Or was he being controlled by the same mysterious Sith Lord they’d been hunting for years?

She tried to lose herself in the force letting it be her guide, but she couldn’t completely push aside the questions threatening to consume her. She wanted to understand. No, she needed to.

After flipping off the wall and twisting as she sailed over his head, something dawned on her as she felt the boiling fear racing to the surface. Every moment she delayed him made him more afraid. But of what? 

She sensed Rex above her and knew what she had to do. “You’re weak!” She screamed at him, trying to get under his skin. It was the hardest thing to say. He wasn’t weak, he was afraid.

“How dare you?” He ranted like a cornered beast. She stood her ground until he was almost on top of her and then she force leapt to the top of the furred temple wall. 

“You were never fit to be my master. I deserved better!” She yelled, racing across the ledge. She could feel him in pursuit. He scaled the wall in nothing flat. She was fast, but he was gaining on her. She hoped she’d make it to the end of the hall.

“Obi wan was supposed to be your master! If you hated me that much, why didn’t you go to the council?” He was venomous. 

“I was better than both of you.” She said, focusing her attention on the balcony up ahead. “The only person worthy of training me was Master Windu!” 

“You think him worthy? I killed him!” His eyes flashed dangerously yellow. She could see a dark shadow take shape around him. She gasped internally, pushing the need to mourn aside. 3… 2… 1… leap! She vaulted towards the balcony a split second before he grabbed her, rolling through the doorway and around the corner. She nodded at Rex who hid in the shadows, and dropped to her knees in meditation. 

The moment he came through the doorway he was hit with Rex’s stun gun. She watched him fall unconscious to the ground, feeling as though her heart would rip in two. She glanced up at Rex, tears rolling down her cheek. He had a sad, sympathetic look across his features. He looked as exhausted as she felt. She moved towards where he’d fallen, clipping his lightsaber to her belt with her own. She traced a hand down his cheek as though in mourning. 

—

Ahsoka crossed her legs on the stump, losing herself in the meditation. They’d been forced to keep him under for a week so they could get him somewhere safe. She’d argued with Rex multiple times about being alone with him on the planet. He didn’t trust that she’d be safe after what they’d witnessed at the temple. And though she wasn’t so sure herself anymore, she refused to leave him to this fate. 

She struggled to focus on the force, her sessions often being overrun by questions. So many questions. But not just about what happened to him, but also what had happened in the war. The way it ended… it made no sense. But they were far away from it for now. Those answers would come in time. 

She sighed and opened her eyes, watching his chest rise and fall where he slept in the tent across the way. He’d be waking up any minute now. She hoped she knew what she was doing. She’d left their lightsabers with Rex, but they could still fight. She hoped he could forgive her for the things she’d said back in the temple. But more than anything, she hoped that she could bring him back to the light. 

The Jedi preached that once someone goes down that path, there is no saving them. But she didn’t want to believe that. It wasn’t too late. Whatever had happened to him… they could free him, undo it. If he’d work with her. 

He sat up suddenly and looked around. She closed her eyes unable to bear the darkness in his. She felt him reach through the force, clenching tight around her throat. She fought the urge to panic. “No one is coming for you, Anakin.” She said breathlessly. “You can kill me, but then you’ll never get off this planet.” He held it for a moment longer and then released. She swallowed hard trying to catch her breath.

“Where are we?” He demanded. 

“Somewhere far away from everything.” She whispered. “But we’re alone here. There’s no way off. No civilizations. No ship. Nothing.”

“What do you want from me?” He asked angrily.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him, unable to bear the waves of emotion crashing through her in the force. “I want to understand.” She breathed.

“Some things aren’t meant to be understood.” He said stubbornly turning his back to her. She wished he’d just let her in. He had nothing to lose at this point, but still he refused.

“You’re right.” She said, clapping her hands on her thighs and standing up. “But I can feel your fear, Anakin. I know that whatever you’re afraid of, you feel like you’re running out of time. But until you tell me the truth, you’re stuck here. Only one person in the galaxy knows where we are, and they have their orders to not come get us until they hear it from me. Not even your new master will find you here.”

She turned and started walking along the forest path, needing a breath of fresh air. The force around him was oppressive and dark. 

—

When she returned to the camp he was gone. Somehow that didn’t surprise her, he’d always been impatient, it was probably worse now. It made her sad though, that he didn’t trust her anymore. Yeah she’d been forced to say things she didn’t mean in order to get him here, and if he’d been thinking straight, surely he would have known that. But she’d hoped he’d see that she was doing this not to torture him but because she cared about him. She hoped her actions would somehow carry more weight than the spoken words. 

He came back on the third day, and collapsed shortly after entering the clearing. She couldn’t believe he’d rather take his chances out there in the wild than just tell her the truth. She picked him up by the shoulders and dragged him over to the tent. She warmed up a wet cloth by the fire and knelt down by his side. He was covered in scratches and his robes were torn in a few places. 

She started slowly washing his face, trying to gently massage it as she went.. Then she moved down to his chest, cleaning several wounds she could see through his robes. She leaned over to get one on his right shoulder and then a few on his legs. Then she sat down next to his left side, and picked up his arm. She slid her fingers up the sleeve of his robe, looking for any injuries there. Then she pulled off his left glove that was mostly shredded. She moved the cloth softly over his hand, trying to clean off the dirt and dried blood. In the firelight, she could make out a few bruises. She had no idea what he’d gotten himself into, but she was glad he’d come back.

Once she finished with the wounds she could see, she set the cloth aside and looked down at his face. She’d left his hand resting on her thigh. She liked its familiar weight and feel. His breathing was still a little ragged, but she was certain he’d not been asleep while she’d treated the scrapes. But he kept his eyes closed, so she couldn’t be sure. 

Even though he was right there next to her, he seemed so far away. Ever since she’d found him in the temple, it was like he was drifting away. What had caused the chasm between them? Why did she feel that if she stayed… it would swallow her whole? But even if that were true, she couldn’t leave him now. No matter what was going on out there in the galaxy, she wasn’t leaving without him. Even if it meant spending the rest of her life on this isolated planet. 

She moved his robes a little so she could set her hand down over his heart. She focused her energy, filling herself with warmth and light. She breathed deeply, letting the force’s peace consume her. She felt it begin to spread, pumping through her as though moving with the blood in her veins. She’d never been a force healer, but this wasn’t about fixing the body. 

She felt the light spread to all the corners of her body and then pushed it from her hand into his chest. She felt him grab her wrist with his mechanical hand in a vise grip. It hurt, but she couldn’t stop now. She ignored the pain, spreading her fingers across his skin and letting the light pass from her to him. She felt his other hand tighten on her thigh. She clenched her teeth, pushing further despite the cost. 

After a few minutes of pressing the energy into him, she started to feel it spread from his heart. The flow was weak at first, but it was there. She felt it pump through him. She didn’t even flinch when his eyes snapped open and he lifted his head to stare at her. She was too lost in the light and the need to heal his broken soul, to care what he did to her now. The only thing that mattered to her was her hand against the skin of his chest and the light that was passing between them. 

“Ahsoka…” he murmured, his head falling back to the ground. “Why are you doing this?”

“I can’t lose you, master!” She said, trying not to lose focus. 

He was quiet for a moment. This connected to him, she could feel his pain pumping through her too. She had to fight it. But the darkness was building in him again. And her light was being consumed by it. It was a risk she’d had to take. Opening herself to give him light, meant she was vulnerable to the darkness in him. She trembled as she tried to draw on the light side of the force. She tried bolstering her strength to stay focused. But his energy was strong, she wasn’t sure how long she could fight it. She had to pull away. But she couldn’t. “I thought I wasn’t fit to be your master.” He said. She flinched as darkness seared across her senses. 

“I lied to you, Anakin.” She breathed, fighting to stay above the waves. “You were the only master I ever wanted. I only said those things to make you follow me.” She felt like she was going under. Please, she begged. Fight it!

“You didn’t mean them?” His tone was just a little lighter, almost hopeful. She shook her head. 

“We all made mistakes. None of us were perfect, but never once in all my years with you, did I wish for a different teacher.” She breathed, chest tight. “You were difficult. I’ll admit it. You pushed me harder than anyone. But I stuck with you. Not because I had to.”

“Then why?” He asked. She could feel the cracks now. They were deeper than she ever thought possible. And it dawned on her… he didn’t know what love was. He loved everyone, he loved and loved and loved, but he couldn’t recognize it from someone else. 

She blinked a few times and looked at him. “Because I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

“The Jedi aren’t allowed to love.” He said angrily, a tidal wave of pain crashed through her again.

“When did we ever follow the rules?” She squeaked, biting her lip to not be consumed by his negativity. 

She was losing this battle. If she didn’t let go soon, the darkness would win. Just as she reached breaking point, she felt it give way. Receding into the far corners of his soul. She collapsed onto his chest, exhausted and drained from the amount of energy that had passed through her like a conduit. 

He didn’t feel lighter. She wasn’t sure if she’d actually accomplished anything. She buried her face in his robes, trying to steady herself. He’d let go of her, but he still felt distant. If she hadn’t been holding him, she’d have thought he was gone again. She sighed as the silence dragged on. Maybe she’d been foolish to think she’d be able to reach him. She’d hoped that whatever he asked of her while they were connected that if he didn’t believe what she said, he’d feel the truth from her. She’d meant all of it.

She felt his anger boil up again, laced in fear. And she sat up and turned away, watching the flames of their campfire flicker and spark. She pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, resting her face on them. She let the tears fall down, soaking through her pants. Maybe it was time to just accept it. Whatever had cut the bond between them had caused irreparable damage. 

“I didn’t want to kill you,” he said quietly from behind her. She squeezed her eyes shut at the stinging words. “But you were in the way.”

“In the way of what?” She asked turning on him. “Why can’t you just tell me? Maybe I could’ve have helped you!” She stood up, shaking. She hated the feeling that was consuming her. The frustration and anger that she couldn’t gain control over. “Did you ever think of that, Anakin? That there were people around you that cared? That no matter what the problem or danger, would have stood by your side? No of course you didn’t! You only thought about yourself.” She ranted, unable to close it down. She paced around the fire, trying to calm down, but she couldn’t. 

She wanted to hit him, to hurt him. To cause him the pain he caused her. She loved him, but she also hated him. She hated how infuriating he was. How closed down he’d always been. She hated that he’d never open up, or tell her about his past. She’d made excuses for him, telling herself all the reasons why he couldn’t. But it never stopped the pain of being left on the outside. Of knowing that he’d never invite her in. She hated how controlling he was, the way he made her feel like she couldn’t handle herself. But more than anything, she hated that she loved him anyways. She hated her devotion to him. She hated that she’d risk her life a thousand times over to protect him, even if he didn’t want her to. 

She glanced over at him to see that he’d rolled away, so his back was to her.. What had she expected? An apology? She almost laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of that thought. She went over to the crate and pulled out a meal bag and a water pack and threw them at him. The water one hit him in the side. He turned and glared at her. She picked up one of each for herself and sat down by the fire to eat. She didn’t know what had happened to him since she left, but based on what she’d felt during the healing exercise earlier, she suspected whatever it was had only been the final break. The cracks in him ran too deep to have been caused by one thing. 

She stared at the fire, resisting the urge to call Rex to come get her. She almost wanted to just leave him here now. Maybe then he’d figure it out. Or…. he’d just destroy himself. And no matter what residual anger burned in her chest, she couldn’t let him do that. She’d gotten herself into this mess, there was no point quitting now. 

She glanced up as he sat down on the other side of the fire from her. His long hair was wild and tangled. His robes were ripped and torn, and there still burned a little gold in his eyes. She could feel the tightness of his muscles from where she sat. It wasn’t hard to notice the stiffness of his movements. He looked like he was fighting a battle inside himself, and she softened. All anger evaporated from her. He looked up and caught her staring, but she didn’t look away. He was so broken, it was amazing he was even functioning. It amazed her that he’d ever functioned.

She wondered briefly if she’d pushed him sooner, would he have opened up to her then? But she pushed the thought aside already knowing the answer. Her eyes felt dry from all the crying and rage of emotions. But the food and water perked her up again. Were they just going to stare at each other for days? Was there anything more she could say to get him to talk? She didn’t think so.. It was his turn to give a little, she’d already put too much on the line. 

“I know what you’re trying to do. But you can’t help me now.” He said finally and then looked down at the meal pack in his hands as though it were the most interesting thing in the world. She studied him, trying to read him. She was surprised to realize that he wanted to be saved. He just didn’t think he could be. 

“And what makes you say that?” She asked as though ignorant of anything he’d done wrong.

“I’ve done terrible things. There is no hope for me.” She got the distinct impression that he wasn’t talking about recent events. “There never was.” His voice was hollow. 

What could he have done that would lead to such a conclusion? Even the stuff she’d witnessed in the temple could be forgiven and made right. “Who told you that?” She whispered, sorrow spreading through her soul. 

“Everyone!” He flashed hot with anger for a moment, but then it faded away. She closed her eyes for a moment, searching her memory. It felt like pieces of a puzzle were slowly clicking into place. She saw Obi wan’s annoyance, Admiral Yularan rolling his eyes. She felt Windu’s critical stare and Yoda’s disapproval. She realized that these weren’t isolated events. They were things that ate away at him over the years. These things and more. 

She saw him standing in front of the council at nine years old; scared, tired and cold. Looking from face to face seeing only judgement and reservation. She heard Obi wan telling another Jedi she didn’t know that he was dangerous. Even though he was just a boy. 

And then she saw Padmé; soft and glowing and angelic. She saw her tell him to be angry was to be human. And heard him deny the feeling. 'I am a Jedi! I’m better than this!’ 

As though he realized what she was seeing, the visions suddenly faded as he clamped himself shut again. She looked at him blinking a few times to really see him. He sat there fuming. But she saw the unmistakable tremble of fear. 

What was he afraid of? He lashed out in anger and hatred but that was only the symptom of fear. Fear of what? She didn’t know what to say. Even though he’d given her a brief glimpse, even if it was by accident, she felt like now was not the time to say anything. When he’d been angry at her during the war, why? Because she disobeyed an order? Because she’d sassed him? Because she’d made him feel like a fool? Or was it bigger than that? 

Before she could respond he turned his back and went back inside the tent. She watched him go wondering if she’d bitten off more than she could chew. Maybe she’d be sorry for wanting to know the truth. As she understood now, that she’d had only a minuscule glimpse at who he really was. It was awful that you could follow someone around for four years thinking you actually knew them. Even worse to find out that they could hide their true selves away for so long. She blinked and stood up, staring intensely at his back. He only knew how to hide. He’d been hiding from everyone the moment they’d told him he was dangerous. 

This wasn’t about her, this was about all of them. Not even Obi wan knew the truth of who he was. No wonder she couldn’t reach him. No one could. He’d made sure of that. 

When she was sure he was asleep, she walked a few kilometers away from the camp and hit her comm button. “Are you alright?” Rex’s voice came through immediately as though he’d been hovering by it waiting for her call. She smiled at his concern.

“Yes, Rex. I’m fine.” She replied. 

“Is he better?” He asked.

“Not really, but I have a favor to ask of you.” 

“Do you need me to stun him again?”

She laughed. “No. I need you to find Artoo, and bring him here. Please.” She said. 

“That might take awhile,” he said. “You’ll be on your own until I get back.” 

“I know. I wouldn’t ask if it was important though.” 

“Okay. I’m on my way.” 

“Thank you.” She said absentmindedly waving at the sky even though she knew he wasn’t near enough to see it. She hoped she was right about this.

—

She climbed over him, trying not to wake him and curled up on the far side of the tent. She was tired from the tidal waves of emotion but she felt safe enough now to let down her guard. They hadn’t really resolved anything, but he at least seemed to accept that he wasn’t getting off this planet without her. 

The next few days passed much the same way, bursts of anger, minimal conversation and simply trying to out wait each other. What he didn’t seem to realize was she’d set this place up for the long haul. She knew enough about it now, they could live the rest of their lives there if necessary. She hoped Rex would be back soon with Artoo. She was certain he held the key to unlocking the secrets Anakin refused to share. 

She wondered why it had never dawned on her before. He’d claimed he refused to wipe the droid’s memory because his knowledge was helpful to missions. Which she agreed with. It had benefited them more than once for Artoo to know what was going on. But when she’d called up Rex, she’d intended to ask him to go get Padmé. She’d hesitated before saying her name though, realizing that he was not in a state yet in which she’d be safe, nor was he ready for the news. 

Every once in awhile, she wished Obi wan was here, thinking that surely he’d know what to do. But then she’d remember his annoyance and lectures and decided that probably wasn’t a good idea yet either. What she needed was not judgements, just facts. So who better than a droid? And not just any droid, one that she’d known had been with him long before she met him. And one that likely carried in their memory banks, the truth.

She woke up one night about a week and a half later unsure of what had roused her. She saw that Anakin was curled up in his corner like usual. He felt alright, that wasn’t what had done it. Then she saw the flashing light on her commlink. As quiet as she could, she snuck out of the tent, running towards the drop off point. Stopping occasionally to make sure he wasn’t following her. She felt around in the force to be sure, but he was still back at camp. She ran the few kilometers away, hoping he wouldn’t wake to hear the Twilight.. 

She breathed a deep sigh of relief to see Rex standing there with Artoo beeping happily beside him. “It wasn’t easy,” he said. “The senator didn’t want to give him up without reason. And since they don’t know he’s still alive, it took some negotiating.”

“Thank you!” She exclaimed, throwing her arms around him in a hug. “Anything I should know?”

“Things are bad out there. The few Jedi left that survived Order 66 can’t convince the public that the Chancellor is behind the war. Especially since he supposedly 'brought the end of it.’” Rex sighed, clapping his hands together angrily. “He made moves to form a grand empire, claiming that it will catapult the republic into a far more prestigious role. I don’t know how he pulled it off, but he has an impressive backing already. It’s getting difficult to move around the galaxy without running into trouble. Senator Organa and Senator Amidala have been talking about raising a rebellion. But as far as I know, it’s all talk right now. We could really use you and general Skywalker.” She patted him on the shoulder. 

“I know Rex.” She said sadly. “He’s been burying his problems for too long, it’s not been easy to reach him.”

“Has he hurt you?” He asked, looking her over.

“I’m fine.” She said. 

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I can handle it.” 

He gave her a knowing look. “Well be careful.”

“I will.” She said confidently. “Thank you for bringing Artoo, I think he’s the key.”

“I hope so. The senator was adamant that I bring him back in one piece. I suspect it’s because she doesn’t know… the truth.”

“If all goes well, we’ll all be back soon and in one piece.” She said, starting to turn but Rex caught her arm. 

“Ahsoka.” He said softly, glancing around at the forest nervously. She looked at him with concern.

“What is it?”

“There’s a rumor… through the clones… that Chancellor Palpatine had a plan for Anakin. I think he meant to take him as his apprentice. If that’s true… he could be far more dangerous than we thought.” 

“Rex, he’s not lost to the light. He’s afraid of something, but he won’t tell me what.” She said, trying to reassure him.

“Maybe he’s afraid of the wrath, from the chancellor?” He suggested. Artoo beeped suddenly and she looked down at him.

“You’d better go, before Anakin finds you here.” She said. 

“May the force be with you… both…” he said, running back up into the Twilight and starting the engines. She stood there long after he disappeared from sight. Her head reeling with everything he’d said. She patted Artoo on his dome top and crouched down to his level. 

“Hey buddy,” she said with a smile. He beeped happily in response. “It’s good to see you too. Listen, Artoo, I would never ask you to betray Anakin’s trust, but I need your help. If we’re going to save him so he can go home, I need to know what happened to him. I need to know his past. I’m hoping, you can convince him to tell me.” He beeped at her sadly. “I know.” She whispered in response. “I’m sorry it’s come to this too. Come on, let’s get to the camp before he wakes up and finds me gone.”

Anakin was understandably angry to find out that a ship had come and gone. But she had noticed he seemed grateful Artoo was there. She was a little jealous that he was happier about the droid than everything she’d been trying to help him with. Artoo had tried to convince him to tell her, but he stubbornly refused. She even caught him telling it that she would never understand. It had taken all her willpower to not give away that she’d overheard some of their conversation. 

She’d made sure that Artoo understood that he could not know about Padmé yet. Mainly because she suspected that was one of the biggest pieces of the secret. If only he realized she already knew the truth and was waiting to hear it from him. He tried to convince the droid to send out a communication but she’d already had Rex remove his transmitter chip for the time being.

She left them for awhile to go meditate at the falls she’d found awhile back.. Artoo had decided to come with her. She welcomed his company and enjoyed listening to him beep and whir. It brought back better memories than what was happening here. Something the droid said while they were away bothered her deeply however. That Anakin had become distant even with it, threatening to wipe its memory. But more than that, it had said that it 'felt’ something wrong with him.

Droids, especially Artoo, tended to use language similar to the beings that controlled them. So it wasn’t all that strange that Artoo would refer to feeling as though it were possible for him to. “Have you scanned him since you’ve been here?” She asked suddenly. Wondering if it was possible for there to be a chip that had been planted in him, like Rex had said about the clones. Artoo beeped an affirmation. “Show me the report.” She said.

Artoo projected a readout for her. She studied it carefully. Nothing seemed off that she could tell. At least there didn’t seem to be any foreign objects in his body. That was good. But it didn’t explain his moodiness. 

“Is he telling you all my secrets?” She started in surprise and looked up to see Anakin leaning against a tree. 

“No.” She said truthfully. Not even the bioscan he’d just shown her told her anything useful. He watched her for a moment and she bit her lip. Every day out here like this, killed her a little more. She hated that everything they’d shared had led to this. 

“Why are you keeping me here?” He asked with annoyance.

“I told you, I want to the truth. I want to understand.”

“Why is it so important to you?”

“Because I care and I want to help you.” She said simply.

“I told you, there’s no way to help me now.” 

“Do you really believe that?”

“Yes.” He did. She could feel it. 

“Well then, I guess we are just wasting time then.” She sighed and looked away. “I could get used to living here.” 

“I can’t go back to being a Jedi.” He said darkly.

“That makes two of us.” She whispered. 

“What do you mean?” He sounded curious now. It was a welcome change from the anger and frustration.

“Well, I abandoned my post to return to Coruscant in order to save someone I was too attached too.” She said calmly, almost indifferent. “And I did it with the knowledge that I was abandoning thousands of innocents to death.” She wasn’t proud of it. But she’d done what she believed she had to. “If there was ever a hope the Jedi order would take me back… it’s gone now.”

Artoo beeped something meant to comfort her and she smiled sadly at the droid. 

“The thing is, since I left the order, I’ve learned things aren’t black and white. I used to think that force sensitives could only be a Jedi or a Sith. But there’s many paths to walk. I used to think that leaving the Jedi meant turning to the dark side. And maybe I’ve turned a blind eye to some questionable things, but I don’t feel dark. I’ve learned this war was bigger than the republic versus the separatists. Even bigger than Jedi versus Sith. Or even good versus evil. Because really, what’s right is a point of view. I think there are certain things that will always be questionable, but in the grand scheme of things; what one person thinks is right, another person probably disagrees. And it kind of makes sense that the world is like that. We’re all different, we all have vastly different life experiences. Why should we all believe the same things?” She didn’t really know if, or care if she was touching on anything that he was struggling with. But it felt good to talk again. Even if it was somewhat forced. 

She looked up at him wondering if he was actually thinking about what she said. She knew she wasn’t on the right track with his current situation, but sometimes, you had to start somewhere. He was standing with his legs slightly apart and his hands clasped behind his back. That was a good sign, that was his thoughtful pose. He was quiet for a long time. Should she keep going to fill the silence or wait for him to talk? “The Jedi betrayed the republic.” He said adamantly. 

She bit her tongue so she didn’t argue. She’d just said it was okay to have different points of view. “Then they should face trial.” She said instead. He looked momentarily off guard that she didn’t defend them. “No one person should cast judgement. That is the job of the senate.” 

“I was acting on behalf of the senate.” He said. 

“The senate or the chancellor?” She asked, finally feeling like they were getting somewhere. 

“They’re the same thing.” He said defensively. 

She raised her brow at him. “Actually, they’re not. The chancellor is one man, elected to a position of authority meant to represent the wishes of the people. The senate are a group of individuals with different needs casting their opinions around, with the goal of representing their respective people. You hang out with Senator Amidala all the time, I can’t believe I have to tell you this.” She rolled her eyes, trying to break the tension. He’d frozen completely when she mentioned Padmé. All color drained from his face. 

“I want off this rock, now!” He hissed. 

“And here I thought we were finally getting somewhere.” She sighed, standing up. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. Because you’re still not telling me the truth. And until you decide to stop killing people, we’re both stuck here.”

“What the kriff, Ahsoka?” He yelled. “Are you enjoying this?”

“Well… I like being with you again, but am enjoying watching you breathe anger and hate? The answer is no.” 

Artoo beeped something about not liking them arguing. 

“You don’t have to do this, you know!” He said, ignoring the droid.

“Actually I do.” She said snippily. “And someday you’ll thank me for it.” She stormed past him but he grabbed her arm.

“What is the matter with you?” He demanded, eyes burning again. But not gold, she noticed. She looked up at him feeling almost like her old rebellious self. 

“I should ask you the same question!” She snapped. 

To her surprise, he let her go. “I did what I had to do. You’ll never understand.” He whispered furiously.

“Here’s a thought, how about instead of you telling me I won’t understand, you actually give me a chance to!” She cried out, puffing herself up. 

“Chancellor Palpatine offered me a way to save my wife!” He spat out and then clapped his hands over his mouth. She set her hand on his arm and he looked at her terrified. “And you making me stay here is keeping me from doing that.” 

“Padmé is safe.” She said quietly. 

His eyes widened in shock and confusion. “How do you know?” He stammered.

“I’ve known you loved her since the beginning. You didn’t hide it very well. But I know she’s safe because I’m the one that got her off Coruscant.” She admitted.

“But my nightmares could still happen!” He said worriedly.

“Nope.” She said. “Padmé told me about them. I took her to a doctor, she got a clean bill of health.”

“And the baby?” He breathed, trembling.

“Twins. And they’re both healthy.” She said. “Artoo, would you be so kind?” She asked, patting the droid.

He projected a video of Padmé holding the twins in her arms. Anakin reached out to try and touch the hologram, she felt the anger fade from him, giving away to joy and longing. “She’s safe. They’re safe. But how? The nightmares were just like the ones I had about my mother before she died and those did come true.” He sounded broken again. 

“I’ve been thinking about that… when I had my vision about her being in danger at the conference on Alderaan, I went to master Yoda for advice. He told me first, to meditate on it more. And then he said that the future is always in motion. And that there are many possible futures. I didn’t understand at first, I didn’t trust myself to be able to protect her. But then instinct took over and I knew what to do. Tell me, Anakin. Did Chancellor Palpatine know about you and Padmé or your dreams about your mother?”

“Yes.” He said quietly. 

“I think that he was using you. There have been rumors that he was working for years to groom you to be his new apprentice for after you killed Dooku. If he knew about the visions you had about your mother, it’s possible he gave you the visions about Padmé.” She said.

“Is that even possible?” He asked breathlessly. 

“You had a vision and you went to him, what did he say to you?” 

“He told me about a Sith Lord named Darth Plagueis who had learned how to save people from death.”

“That didn’t bother you? That he had an instant answer, Sith answer no less, for how to save her?”

“It was a little weird,” he admitted. “But I’d tried to ask Master Yoda first and he just told me to rejoice for their death because they become one with the force.”

“Likely that’s because you didn’t tell him the whole truth.” She said. “It’s hard to advise people when you don’t know the whole story. Think about it, Anakin. It’s kind of convenient that you have a vision about something you fear and then he gives you a magical solution to it if you do what? Join him?”

“He ruined my life! I trusted him!” He was angry again. But for once it wasn’t directed at her.

“Come on.” She said, taking his arm and pulling him in the direction of the drop zone. “I think you’re ready.” She pushed the buttons on her commlink to let Rex know to come get them. 

“Ready for what?” He asked, stumbling a little.

“To try again.” Was all she said in response.


End file.
